Skopje, 3 July 2026 (MIA) - Jelena Stanivuković holds a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, is an RE&KBT psychotherapist and co-founder of the Beautiful Minds Institute. She has gained immense popularity in Serbia and the region thanks to her specific, practical approach to mental health. Her educational videos and brief social posts rack up hundreds of thousands of views every day, breaking down taboos about psychotherapy through simple but professional language. In the first part of this exclusive interview with MIA, Stanivuković sends valuable messages about confronting Balkan apathy, reminding us that during hard times, taking one small step keeps sadness from becoming the whole truth of our lives. Her advice is that emotional intelligence must be practiced in the family home from the earliest years by accepting discomfort, because it is a natural emotional signal that teaches us true resilience.

Below is her expert advice on Balkan apathy, the line between indifference and clinical depression, and why overprotecting children weakens their "psychological muscle."

Sadness, apathy, and mental health

When a person experiences sadness and apathy, is it immediately a pathology that must be treated or is it just a normal phase in life? How can we help ourselves in those moments?

Sadness itself is not pathology. It is a normal human emotion and often a healthy response to loss, disappointment, exhaustion, or a change in life that we did not want. The problem comes when we immediately begin to interpret every unpleasant emotion as a sign that something is wrong with us. Not all sadness is depression, not all apathy is a signal of illness, and not every drop in energy is a reason for panic.

However, it is important to pay attention to the duration, intensity, and effects on daily life. If a person is sad, withdrawn, or indifferent for several days, this may be a normal phase. But if they lose interest for weeks in things that were previously important to them, withdraw from relationships with people, cannot work, sleep too little or too much, feel hopeless, guilty, empty, or think that life has no meaning, then it is important to seek professional help.

In moments of sadness, the most important thing is not to be extra cruel to ourselves. The first step is to allow ourselves to be human, not machines, i.e. to accept that we have the right to be sad. But accepting sadness does not mean giving in to it completely. We need to learn to listen to our emotions, but not to follow them blindly. Every emotion tells us something: it tells us that some of our needs, values, or boundaries have been crossed, hurt, or unmet. Sadness often tells us that we have lost something, that we are missing something, that we need comfort, rest, connection, or a more gentle attitude towards ourselves.

Therefore, it is important to ask ourselves: where does this sadness come from, what does it speak to me, and what do I really need right now? But it is also important to check what this emotion is leading us to. When we are sad, we often have the urge to isolate ourselves, to withdraw, and to further convince ourselves that everything is difficult or hopeless. And sometimes that doesn't help us, but rather draws us even deeper into the situation we are trying to get out of.

And when we can’t immediately change the emotion, we can choose the next small step: get up, take a shower, have a bite to eat, go for a short walk, write down what’s hurting us, or call a person we trust. We can be sad about something that’s happened and yet recognize that there’s something in our lives that isn’t sad: a friend who loves us, a family member who’s there for us, a body we can take care of, or a small part of our day that we can fix. It doesn’t make the sadness go away, but it does keep it from becoming the whole truth of our lives.

At what point does "simply feeling unmotivated" turn into clinical depression? When must the family step in and seek professional help?

It is in the duration, intensity and consequences on the functioning of the person. Everyone experiences occasional lack of work drive, times when they are overwhelmed by everything or motivation dips. But with depression we are not just talking about lack of will, feeling unmotivated or a bad mood. Depression changes the way a person sees themselves, other people, the future and their own possibilities.

In clinical terms, depression is most often suspected when a drop in mood or loss of interest and pleasure lasts for at least two weeks, most of the day, almost every day, and when it is accompanied by other symptoms: sleep disturbance, changes in appetite or weight, significant fatigue, sluggishness or restlessness, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, and thoughts of death or self-harm. It is important to underline that we do not make a diagnosis ourselves based on a list of symptoms, but these signs tell us when it is time to seek professional evaluation.

The family should step in when they notice that the person has not been acting like themselves for an extended period, that they withdraw, lose interest, neglect responsibilities, do not enjoy things that previously gave them joy, seem empty, hopeless, constantly tired or extremely irritable. It is especially important to step in immediately if the person says that there is no point in living, that everyone would be better off without them, that they are a burden to others or if they mention self-harm or death in any way.

What matters most is that family support non-judgmental and pressure-free. Saying things like "stop it", "you have everything you need" or "others have it worse" usually do not help. It is much more useful to say: "I can see that you are having a hard time. You do not have to go through this alone. Let's get help together."

Lessons for parents in their relationships with children

You often say that emotional intelligence should be taught in schools. What are the two key lessons that a ten-year-old child must learn at home to build emotional resilience?

The first lesson is that all emotions are a normal part of being human, so the child needs to learn that there are no “good” and “bad” emotions in the sense that some are allowed and some are not. Anger, sadness, fear, jealousy, shame, disappointment — these are all emotions that belong to the human experience. The difference is in the way we deal with them.

That is why it is important for children to learn to recognize what they feel and why they feel it. To be able to say: "I am angry because this was important to me", "I am sad because I failed at something", "I am scared because I don’t know what will happen". When children can identify their emotions, they take the first step towards taking charge and handling them, rather than being controlled by them.

The next step is to learn how to express emotions. Anger is allowed, but hitting, insulting, and humiliating are not. Sadness is allowed, but children need to know that they can ask for comfort, a hug, or talk it through. Fear is allowed, but they can learn to ask for support, ask questions, and face their fears step by step. In other words, emotional intelligence begins when children realize that they have the right to feel, but they are learning how to deal with what they feel.

The second lesson is that discomfort is an integral part of life. Many children today are raised in an environment where parents, with the best of intentions, try to remove any frustration, boredom, failure, waiting, criticism, or disappointment. But a child who never learns to tolerate “no,” defeat, waiting, or discomfort, later becomes an adult who breaks down in the face of normal life frustrations.

Therefore, children need to learn that they can be dissatisfied and survive it. That they can make mistakes and learn from them. That they may not get what they want right away and that it does not mean that they are not loved. Loving a child does not mean making everything easy for them, but being with them as they learn that they can endure even what is not pleasant to them.

How can we allow children experience frustration and failure, while not feeling like a failure as parents? 

Parents are often the ones who cannot handle children's frustration, so paradoxically, with the best of intentions, they raise their children in a way that weakens their capacity to endure discomfort. This happens when we constantly try to save children from every discomfort. If children cry, we immediately think that we must comfort them, often with sentences that are not right, such as: "It's nothing to worry about." If children are disappointed, we think we must urgently improve their mood. But a parent's task is not to make the child happy all the time. That is an impossible and unhealthy goal. A parent's task is to gradually equip the child for life.

A child should be allowed to be frustrated, but not be left alone in the frustration. Saying: "Stop crying, it’s nothing to worry about" is not the same with saying: "I know it’s hard for you to face failure. I understand that you’re disappointed. Let’s see what you can learn from this". In the first case, a child learns that their emotions are not acceptable. In the second case, they learn that emotions are acceptable, and failure is not the end of the world.

A child who has never been frustrated will not be grateful, but rather not fully prepared for life. Healthy frustration is like a psychological muscle – if it is never used, it does not develop. Therefore, good parental support does not mean removing every obstacle, but being close enough while a child learns that obstacles can be endured, understood and overcome. 

Photo: Stanivuković private archive